Comfort Zones

I read a quote somewhere recently that said “the comfort zone is the place where creativity goes to die” and now I seem unable to get it out of my head.  It has turned into a small yet very real judgemental voice that pokes me every time I say no to something that really I should be giving a go. Or putting off something for later that I really should be doing, or avoiding being vulnerable.  You get the picture. Although at this point it is worth saying that in the past year I have developed a relationship with my comfort zone far removed from the one that I have had for the first 35 years of my life. Now I’m typing it I’m wondering whether my age has something to do with it?  Maybe it is as simple as that - turning 35 put me out of my comfort zone? Who knows. One thing I do know is that in the past year I have done some things that have made me really proud of myself and that have made me re-evaluate the way I live my life and the choices that I do (or don’t) make.  I won’t bore you with the details but essentially some of the things I have done are things which would have previously filled me with fear. And it’s weird because I’m not really a person who gets scared easily and I have a pretty naughty side to me. My mum will tell you otherwise, her nickname for me is goody two shoes which as you might be able to imagine, I absolutely cannot bear - shoutout for the support ma (ironic - she is one of my 7 subscribers to this blog).  But what I mean is, being scared or worried to do things isn’t really how I picture myself although clearly my previous co dependent relationship with my comfort zone would suggest otherwise. But this week at school, for one of the first times in my career, I put myself out of my comfort zone in the classroom with something very personal.

So I’ve been teaching poetry to my new year 12s for the past four weeks and whilst poetry traditionally was my least favourite part of literature and as a result my least favourite topic to teach, in the past couple of years I have done a complete 180 and now you can’t shut me up about it (much to the dismay of my non teacher friends who couldn’t care less about the “life changing lines” I insist on reading them or tagging them in on the array of Insta poets I now follow - embarrassing).  This week in my lesson I wanted to model critiquing a poem with the whole class in order to help them be reflective and evaluative and better able to improve their own poetry. This would be done by giving feedback on a poem that was displayed on the board. Now you’re probably thinking that I must be in the wrong profession if what I have just described puts me out of my comfort zone and of course you’d be right. Here is where I got brave. Instead I thought why not use some of my own poetry to critique in the lesson (another side effect of my new found love for poetry is that I write it.  All the damn time. And it is average to say the least). But I thought why not make the most of some valuable feedback to try and make it slightly better than average. The only problem here is that I’m very uncomfortable with anyone reading my writing. Like really uncomfortable. I’ll give you some context. I did a Masters in Scriptwriting THIRTEEN years ago and my entire portfolio including a full length stage play is still sitting gathering dust in my flat having been read by not one single person since my tutors at University. Again I can understand your confusion if you are wondering why on earth I’m writing a blog.  For anyone who read my first post you will remember that it took me approximately two years to pluck up the courage and be brave enough to post my stuff. But this new relationship with my comfort zone seems to be working. Anyway back to my lesson. So as worried as I felt about exposing my writing, before I knew it I was boldly circulating a printed version of a poem that I wrote last year and if I’m honest one of the closest to my heart due to the subject matter. It was also displayed on the board (I swear quietly whispering - this is shit, get it down) but I fought through any misgivings and the next ten minutes was magic.   My students were a perfect combination of complimentary, critical and constructive in their suggestions. I felt like I was an aspiring poet in a writers room getting development notes, only with a group of 27 of the most switched on, creative and exciting critics that I could have hoped for. A pretty special lesson. And another milestone towards what I hope will become an open relationship with my comfort zone!