Unchartered Waters

I have been attempting to write this post since last Wednesday.  But every time I sit down to start, the thoughts that run through my mind have all been so overwhelming that I have had to stop.  I’ve been asking myself over and over again, what is the purpose of this piece and to be entirely candid, I don’t think I’m really sure there is one.   But I know I need to get something off my chest. So here goes.  

We are currently living through the most challenging of times.  Sombre, difficult, frightening times. The phrase that is recurrent across every headline right now is that this is the “biggest peacetime crisis to have ever occurred”.  Unchartered waters that are, without a doubt going to leave a vast and possibly immeasurable impact on the history and landscape of the world as we know it.

It started as a faint and distant threat that seemed so far from home that it was never going to reach us.   Some were quietly and cautiously monitoring the movement of the contagion, noticing its pervasiveness from afar. Most didn’t give it a second thought.  If only we had.

For the past few weeks, Covid 19, the Coronavirus has been sweeping the world, taking many lives with it.  On the 11th of March it was officially declared a pandemic. As expected, the world began to shut down. Offices, shops, businesses all began to close as we began to realise the magnitude of what was upon us.  And then, last Wednesday afternoon, after much pressure from society, the government announced that as of the afternoon of Friday the 20th of March, all schools in the UK would be closed until further notice. They also announced that all exams for this academic year would be cancelled but that students could rest assured that they would still receive a qualification, a grade and therefore a place at university or employment opportunity based on qualifications.  What this is going to look like exactly we are still yet to find out but further developments since the initial announcement have suggested that grades will likely be awarded to students based on teacher estimates from mock exam results, classwork and professional judgement.

My beloved college actually closed to students last Tuesday evening due to a large proportion of staff being absent either through suspected symptoms of the dreaded, insidious virus or as a result of the government guidance to stay at home if you hold any pre-existing health conditions.  So, our last day was Wednesday and it was with a heavy heart that I gathered up my laptop and the contents of my classroom and left the building, with no clear idea of when we will be returning.  

Initially at this announcement, I am ashamed to say, I was quite excited.  Obviously not in any relation to the potential poor health of anyone at school, but the thought of an early Easter holiday with a couple of extra weeks to get life admin done was really quite appealing.  Images of finally completing the children’s book that has remained unfinished on my laptop for 2 years and banishing my procrastination tendencies in place of completing all of my half baked creative projects were taking over my thoughts.

How wrong I was.  Fast forward 6 days and most evenings I sit in front of the news, unable to stop my tears.  I’m not normally someone who gives into feelings of stress and fear - I like to think that I’m okay at being rational and calm, but this is something so new and so anxiety inducing that I’m finding it difficult to control my emotions.  As is the case with many people, my security comes from the familiar and now, a week deep into navigating my new space as an on screen, virtual teacher, I can honestly say that I’ve never missed my little classroom with a view and my job more.  My heartbreak is palpable. But I am so unbelievably grateful for my amazing team of colleagues who have been working tirelessly to keep our community spirit strong in these, hardest of times. The love and support that has been offered to our wonderful young people is astounding.  We have many vulnerable young people in our care. Teenagers who really need us, who rely on us for food, financial aid, for a safe space. It is difficult not to focus on those students who will not be having a nice time at home right now. And that coupled with the chaos that is closing in on us can leave you short of breath.  But if there was ever a time to stay strong and work together, it is now. All that I need to do when I’m having a weak moment is remind myself of all the incredible, inspiring front line workers who are risking their lives to keep us healthy. And to all of the young people around the world who will be feeling scared and confused but who are trying their best nonetheless. 

 One day at a time.